#196 News Alert

Important announcement. I think my cold has finally turned a corner. Not out of the woods yet, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I don’t complain. It’s just not in my nature. But every time I explain to my wife how awful my cold is, she ignores me, which is demoralising. And it’s not just this cold. I’m tired too. Lately my wife turning over in bed is like a mini earthquake, which wakes me up, so I was not at my best when we went into hospital. When I explain this she seems even less concerned. Admittedly she has other things on her mind. Like having another baby.

Maternity units are crowded and noisy and uncomfortable places, a bit like prison, except with less privacy. If I was having a baby I definitely wouldn’t be able to cope with it. My “Paternity Unit” would have to have waterbeds, and big screen TVs, and games consoles, and you’d be able to sleep as long as you like because your observations would be taken remotely and your milk would be extracted and piped directly to your baby in the next room. You’d be rendered numb below the waist and given a mobility scooter. I mean, you’re not a flippin’ prisoner! You’d probably have a couple of personal assistants 24/7, otherwise how would you cope? But it’s not all about me

By the time my wife gets out of hospital I’m completely exhausted. And my cold seems to be coming back! My wife says this is definitely the last baby she’s having. I think she’s trying to make me feel better because of my cold. Sympathy at last! And I’ve got a beautiful new baby son too. Which is nice.

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