#205 Death rays from above

Heatwave plus ginger equals misery. For everyone in my family. Except me.

I’m very pro ginger. I have to be. I am myself a ginger hybrid, my wife apparently is a carrier (she’s explained it to me, apparently I’m recessive), and my daughter is the warrior queen, high priestess off all the gingers. She is so strikingly, powerfully, eye wateringly ginger that she’s probably visible from space. And possibly audible from space too.

While there are many wonderful things about gingerness, there is one major drawback. We are basically allergic to summer. When it’s sunny outside, (or “raining death rays” as we know it in our family), ginger life is terrible. We hide in the shadows, sweating, sticky and uncomfortable in layers of factor fifty. Dizzy, grumpy, tired, irritable and longing to be north of the ice wall with the rest of the wildlings.

There is a Dad perk, though, to a heatwave. I can recommend it even if you are not lucky enough to be ginger. You will need some equipment, all available from your local diy warehouse. A comfortable garden chair. Some sort of parasol. A hose. One of those triggered water guns, preferably with several different settings. At a push a super soaker will do. A small table and a tall glass of something cool are not essential, but recommended.

Next throw your children outside in their swimming clothes, in our case head-to-toe spandex. You could, if you like, give each of them a small umbrella as a shield, make things a little more sporting. Sit back. Reminisce about all the sleepless nights, the stress, the confusion, the tantrums and the pennilessness, the constant feelings of failure that children subject you to. Choose your most powerful water gun setting, and get some payback.

Soon you will have forgotten the discomfort of summer. And all your other worries too.

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